Writing (yes, again)

It's been a long while since I did any work on my novel, and I regret the lapse, but it has allowed me plenty of time to think about the way I'm doing it.

The conclusion I've arrived at is simply that I cannot rely merely on my story's strengths. It has to be told well, too. I notice that people enjoy stories that, at every stage of its telling, involve something important. It could be character development, plot advancement. It could be anything that furthers the story.

What it cannot be, however, is purple prose.

Tons and tons of beautiful, elaborate imagery describing an incident or entity, that happens to do nothing but what was just mentioned. You could try reading the following passage and think about what actually happens in it.

The woman seated her posterior down primly upon the sleek wooden bench, and reached daintily into her pink fluffy handbag. With a gentle flourish, she brought out a shiny blue comb, bringing it through her lustrous golden hair, playfully teasing her locks in the way she usually styled her hair. Bringing it through once, and twice, she concluded her session of personal grooming, and placed her comb back into her handbag.

Notice how your eye has the tendency to skip ahead? At least, mine does. I assure you, I had a hard time writing this crap (purely for demonstration purposes). And, I can say in a short sentence what the above paragraph took.. well.. a paragraph to say: The woman combed her hair.

Admittedly, the passage did throw in some other details, and we can infer a fair amount from what we read there: that the woman was (probably) prim and proper, that she had a (shiny blue) comb and a handbag, and that she had (good) hair.

But come on, would you really want to read something like that? I see a fair amount of this, and I often think, "Get on with it already!"

A lot of thick fat books on the market get by with something like this *hint* recent popular series *hint*, and fans flock to them like... I don't know. Suggest a good expression for fans.

Like, "Squeeeeee!" (sound that fangirls make)?

If I ever write like that shit, please bash my head against the wall.

But tell me first.


At any rate, now I'm working on tightening up my writing. There is a lot of background information thrown in as dialogue. Or at least, there was. It shouldn't be the case. Characters should not mention things that they know about to each other simply to let the reader know about it. An example of a telephone exchange, by yours truly, to demonstrate my point, is as follows:

Bob: Hi Jane, my dear wife.
Jane: Hi.
Bob: What are you doing?
Jane: Cleaning up the old and musty shed using our blue broom.
Bob: I see. I thought you're supposed to be at the wake of our dear friend John, who died in a tragic car accident last Monday?
Jane: Oh no! I forgot all about it! Well, sorry. Anyway, I found out some details of his demise from Elena, who is his wife.
Bob: Tell me then. It remains an absolute mystery to everyone what happened.
Jane: As you know, Bob, John was driving along the PIE highway. When he was about to exit to CCK, he veered off course and smashed his beautiful Lexus into a lorry. Luckily, his wife survived the crash.
Bob: Yes. I know she survived the crash.
Jane: Yes. That's why this conversation is absolutely pointless.

I don't think I need to point out why this conversation is so horribly crafted. Nevertheless, for those not familiar with it:

This is widely known amongst writers as the "As you know, Bob" form of dialogue. It is, in fact, a term used by Wikipedia: "As you know, Bob"

I'll take a break for now.